Photo Booth Fun

This is my husband Will. We love each other very much. One day...we set up a photo booth in our house. Not really for any reason, except Will needed a "fun" picture of us for the website (www.willknowlesweddings.com) So this is our attempt at being "fun."

Sometimes...when you're married, it can be hard to not get boring. It can easily become the same routine. I hope we always remember to take breaks and mix it up a little bit.

I think I like these pictures, because it captures who we are...or at least our silly-goose selves.

Every once in awhile...Will asks me if I think I'll turn into a serious person after we have a baby. He's legitimately concerned about this, I suppose. I've been thinking about it. And I think I'll just become more silly, because after all, now I'll have an easy audience all the time.

Where are the little league sign ups?

Today's a special day. It's Father's Day.

Of course, this year it holds a special meaning this time around. It's Will's first Father's Day. While he can't hold Fin or change his diaper to show how much he loves him, Will's love for his family is already part of what defines him.

The father's role is an interesting one, and I'm realizing that more and more every day as I think about what it means to be a mother.

I think there's a special role between father and son. I never really thought I'd be ok having a boy. I just didn't want to deal with stinky gym shorts, fighting the deodorant battle (which I experience with Will everyday), and watching him go through that awkward stage when their voice changes and their body does even more.

As I've watched Will and Finley's relationship, I've realized how important that father figure is. There are times when Finley needed to step back and watch Will do something he may regret later. But I've also seen how Finley has been there when we've gone through some of our hardest times, when raw emotion was all we had to work with. And Finley's response to Will has always been "bathed in prayer," as he would say.

I'm not going to lie. I do hope our baby is a trendster like his dad, while Will would hate me and correct me for saying that. But more than that, I hope Fin is just like his dad in the way he loves, serves, and leads. Either way, we're going to have a perfect little family. Not because we are perfect. But because...we're together.

So there are all these books to read now...

One day I told Will that I wish that I would've been a better person when I got married. I wished I would've been older. And wiser. And richer. And a better cook.

And now I'm going to be a mom. And I again find myself wishing I would be better than I am now. I wish I wouldn't be as negative. or scared. or nervous. or selfish.

I look forward to having a kid and no longer be concerned with just Will and me.

I don't know what scares me. But I wish it would leave, because it is truly terrifying. I haven't journaled or prayed about it. Because sometimes when you do that...even crazier things happen. And my fear paralyzes me from doing the very things I need. But I finally have realized I can't do it by myself. Will can't do it by himself. And we're going to need something bigger than both of us together to do this.

I guess that's where friends come in. and family. and small group. and Blakemore. and old friends from home. and the words..."me too."

I guess that's where community comes in and surrounds us. And that's when we see the hand of God in our little two bedroom apartment.

And it probably won't matter if we do everything right. If we always know where the pacifier is or if the room is painted with an exquisite Noah's Ark theme. It probably won't matter if our baby always matches or is always silent in quiet places like church or Olive Garden.

We'll just love fiercely and hope that's enough.

Crappy

This has been a crappy moment. I was going to say a crappy day, but it's really just this moment. Maybe it's because Will isn't home to greet me and hold me and hear about how my day was. Maybe it's because Trevecca wouldn't answer the phone during business hours. Maybe it's because over 75% of my class is projected to fail TCAP. Maybe it's that I want to do something major, and I think I may fail at it. I don't really know, but in the stillness, I just feel crappy. It's not sad or mad...just crappy.

The beginning

Well. I'm going to try to start blogging. Why you may ask? I just feel like it's the right thing to do. It's a place where I can document my journey. It can be serious or funny. Short or long. If you'd like to read, then please. But I'm not expecting a mass following. Just want a place to write and share. Much Love!