From one Beatbox Mom to Another...

Dear Jamie,

            We don’t know each other.  Well, we don’t know each other well.  We’ve probably smiled as we’ve walked into Beatbox together.  We’ve probably dropped our kids off at the same time, and we’ve tried to grab our breath in between songs.  And we’ve probably made eye contact and took a deep breath when “that song” came on.

But, I feel like I know you.  The Beatbox community is a place where people belong and where women, especially, find a safe place to be the women we were created to be.  This is a place where there are no “mom wars” or comparison games.  Because of this, Ellen has created a place of support, love, and sweat.

When I heard the news Friday afternoon, my stomach dropped.  As a mom of toddlers, I knew you must be terrified.  I knew you probably had to leave your class early in a panic, and I stopped and prayed.  I didn’t know what to pray, and I still don’t, but I couldn’t complete my day as usual.  I was silent before the Lord all day silently begging him to do what we all wanted Him to do.  I couldn’t sleep, because Beatbox Moms stick together.  If one of us is pleading with the Lord through the night, then I was too. 

This is not about me.  This is about surrounding you in prayer.  As a teacher and mom of a 2 year old boy who loves rain boots, I find myself weeping for you as I can’t imagine the pain and sorrow you are experiencing.  I am so so so very sorry. 

I believe in the power of prayer. There have been times in my life, where pain was too real and too big and prayers wouldn’t come.  There have been times where I have needed others to pray, because I was unable to.  We serve a God who weeps with you, who grieves alongside you.  I believe in a God who answers our cry for help.  So I pray this over you. 

Father, we pray for help.  We pray for peace and rest.  In the night, when it’s quiet, and the guests have left, I pray for Your overwhelming peace to come in the darkest times.  I pray for the body of Christ to surround Jamie in ways she didn’t know she could be loved.  I pray that every little need, like milk in the fridge and laundry, is done by someone before Jamie even realizes it’s a need.  I pray for Jamie in those moments when Madeline asks innocent questions, which cause great pain to answer.  I pray for the days when people will come and go, and conversations will be a mixture of painful and joyful.  I pray for strength and rest during these days.  I pray that Jamie doesn’t doubt how extravagantly you love her.  And when she does, I pray you would send grace and love in ways that are undeniable.  I pray she knows it’s ok to not be strong all the time, and it’s ok to ask for what you need.  And it’s ok to not know what you need.  I pray for help for this mom, sister, and dad.  I pray that you would invade their home and make your presence known.

I sit in quiet in front of the creator, and I wait for the King in a state of expectation during this Advent season.  Your Beatbox family wants you to know that you’re loved.  You’re an incredible mom. And you are not alone.

Love from a Beatbox Mom,

Liz 

A letter to Granger's Class

Hey kiddos,

We heard our Granger is your Star Student this week.  We wanted to tell you a little bit about our boy.

1.     Granger is his own person with his own ideas and ways of doing things.  He likes things messy, unpredictable, silly, dangerous, and wild.

2.     Every night, he prays for two things: going to the park and hot dogs.  He loves the song “hot dogs in a pan,” and requests that we pray for those and sing every night.

3.     His name is special to our family. He is named after his great-grandpa Granger and that whole side of the family.  We call him Grange-pup, because it just fits him.  A grange-pup is a corn dog they make at the county fair where his mommy grew up.  We laugh about this all the time.  He also loves puppies, and he doesn’t mind being called one.

4.     He loves his brother “Hen” more than anything.  He likes to play, color, swim, go to the zoo, and sleep with his brother.  Any waking moment that he doesn’t see “Hen,” he has to find him, because he wants to be with him all the time.  He also enjoys getting a reaction out of Fin for just about anything.

5.     Granger is so special to our family.  When he was a baby, he cried a lot because his tummy hurt.  We weren’t sure what kind of personality he was going to have.  But God has given us the best little brother, and he is the perfect fit to our family.  He keeps his mommy and daddy very busy making sure he isn’t tearing our house apart, pestering his brother, or eating too many avocados.  But more than anything, Granger keeps us laughing and gives the best hugs and kisses.

You are so lucky to have Granger in your class.  Granger, mommy and daddy love you so much!

Love,

Granger’s Mommy and Daddy

A letter to Fin's class

This week, Fin is the "star student" of his class.  We were supposed to write a letter to his class about him.  This is it.

Dear Fin’s class,

            We are Fin’s parents, and we heard that Fin was the star student of your class this week.  We can’t wait to tell you about how special he is.  There are so many things we love about Fin.  Here are some things you should know about Fin.

1.     He is the best brother in the world.  When he was two, he got a brother named Granger.  Baby Granger cried and cried when he was a baby, and Fin would just kiss him and say, “It’s ok Granger.”  Even now, he always helps his brother.  Sometimes he helps Granger build towers out of legos, or he helps Granger feel brave when he’s scared at bedtime.  Granger is lucky to have a brother like Fin.

2.     Fin is a super-duper extra creative kid.  That means he uses his imagination to think of really fun things.  Sometimes he pretends he’s a fireman. Sometimes he is a soccer player, and sometimes he pretends to be a photographer, like his daddy.  He is very smart, and his brain is always busy thinking of new things to play.

3.     Fin’s name is extra special, and his name is special to our family.  He is a fourth. That means his daddy is named “William Finley Knowles III,” and his Poppy is named “William Finley Knowles II,” and his great Granddaddy is the first “William Finley Knowles.” Fin’s real name is William Finley Knowles, but we call him Fin because that’s a long name to say.  We think his name fits him just perfectly.

4.     Fin is cautious.  He likes to make new friends, but he always likes playing with friends he already knows.  Some of his favorite friends are adults, because Fin’s mommy and daddy have people over a lot to have dinner.  Fin likes people who are nice, fun to play with, share, and people who like to listen to their teacher and mommy’s. J

5.     Fin is special to us, because he is our boy.  We love him like crazy.  We love to spend time with him and watch him grow into a big boy.  You are so lucky Fin is in your class.  If you don’t know him, you better say “hello,” because he is one of the coolest cats you’ll meet.

We love you Fin, and we’re proud of you every day!

Mom and Dad

Dear Shewanna

Today was a sad day.  My teacher, mentor, fellow mom, and friend went to be with Jesus.  I wrote this a few days ago, when I heard things were getting worse ....and fast.  I went to see her and held her head and told her I loved her.  I don't know if she heard me or saw me, but I know she felt me.  I set down the letter because she wasn't in a place to read it.  I'll never know if she did or could, but I know I had to put it on paper.  Life is hard, and I pray for Tony, Parker, and Carson.  I decided to post this for anyone else who wants to celebrate Shewanna with me...

Shewanna,

            I wanted to come by and see you and squeeze your hand and tell you I love you.  When I heard that things were getting more painful for you, I could only think of memories with you and all the ways you have guided me.  So, I thought I’d made a list and I pray you know how much you have shaped who I am.  So here are some of my best memories and what I’ve learned from you.

1.     I first met you in my first interview.  I was young, nervous, and wearing heels for the first time in a year.  You were wearing a black dress with a jean jacket and a purple scarf.  My answers were wordy and fast.  I remember your presence in that interview like it was yesterday.  You were calm and smiled.  Not a fake smile, but a smile that let me know that you were “for me” without even knowing me.  You were encouraging and gave me questions you knew I could answer well.  You spoke of teaching like the wonderful career it is. You and I both know it’s frustrating, defeating, and a lot of work.  But you spoke to the positive and the way it changes kids’ lives.  I knew you were on my team as I embarked on a new journey.

2.     Then, I got the job and you held my hand during that first half year, quite literally.  I remember having you help me plan hour by hour.  I remember feeling horribly overwhelmed with all I was being “told” to do (specifically by the literacy coach.)  And you said, “Tell me what they said, and I’ll tell you if you have to do it or not.”  And my anxiety and list of to-dos was cut in half.  You make life more manageable for people.

3.     When I became pregnant 3 weeks after getting married, I told you.  You may not have realized this, but I made Will tell everyone; my parents, sister, friends, etc.  Because I was so devastated I didn’t want to speak it out loud or have anyone know.  But, for some reason, I wanted you to know and I told you.  I guess I felt like if something went wrong, I wanted you to be there for me.  You hugged me and allowed me to cry into your shoulder as you told me it would be okay.  You’re the kind of person other people want to share with.

4.     Fast forward a few months later when I’m crying at work 8-months pregnant, because kids aren’t doing their homework or listening or trying.  (This is how you know I was a new teacher).  Instead of telling me to “cool it,” and telling me I’m over-reacting, you said you’d handle it.  You walked into my classroom full of 4^th graders and gave them a stern and loud talk for at least 15 min.  I don’t know what you said, but they were scared.  Again, you always have my back.

5.     When Fin was born, you loved him like your own.  You were always asking to snuggle him, buying him things, and listening to me gush over him without getting annoyed.  I loved how when he got acne, you told me to put his own urine diaper on his face.  AND I DID.  And, it worked!  Now, I tell everyone that and preface it with, “This may sound crazy, but my friend told me…” 

6.     I loved when you and Parker would stop by the house and hang when the boys were at the park across the street.  You know my family and my in-laws, because when you invest in someone, you invest in the whole persons.  You’ve always felt like family.

7.     One of my favorite memories teaching with you was when we did the animal unit.  At first you told us you weren’t going to do it.  Then we convinced you.  Whether we were on the outdoor field trip, Cole retreat, or in your own classroom, I love watching your face when animals appear. It’s one of my favorite things about you.

8.     But maybe my most favorite thing is how much you fight and allow God’s spirit to flow through you.  You’re always helping others, sacrificing for your kids, and you don’t allow what’s happened to you to define who you are.  I know there are excruciating and painful times that you try to overlook.  And I am deeply sorry that you have had to experience pain like this. It’s not fair.  Whether it was after surgery, a rough night, a doctor’s appointment, or a scan, you’ve always given glory to God.  It’s incredible, Shewanna. 

We pray this over you:

Ephesians 3:20-21

²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

I love you, and I believe in you.  Your family is my family, and we’ll continue to take care of one another.

Grace and peace,

Liz