Hours of preparation. Hours of work. Hours of collaboration. Hours of worry. Hours of stress. Hours of being told I wasn't doing the right thing. Hours of feeling like I failed before I even started. Hours of feeling like I was alone. Hours of wishing I could inspire instead of teach A, B, C, and D. Hours of analyzing data. Hours of asking myself,"How can I be better?" Hours of telling my kids they mean more to me than scores. Hours of lying in bed wondering if I'm a good teacher or simply ignorant to the fact that I should've picked something different. Hours of wondering if my administration believes in me. Hours of trying to leave work at school but feeling guilty for not bringing it home.
And I kept working. I kept doing my best. While I felt hopeless sometimes, I gave it all I had.
Hours of testing. Hours of checking roster after roster. Hours of sharpening #2 pencils. Hours of directions. Hours of bubbling in little circles. Hours of praying. Hours of hoping. Hours of believing. Hours of doubting. Hours of waiting. Hours of no scores.
And then the scores came back.
And all those hours turned into proficient and advanced.
And I knew my hours were spent in the right place.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Fin's seven month details
Well...my baby just turned seven months. For those of you who are tired of me talking about Fin, feel free to close the window out now. I'm not offended.
Things he likes at seven months.
-"dancing"
-his Bumbo seat
-wrestling with Dad
-balancing on Dad's hand
-Baby Einstein
-Sophie the giraffe
-sitting in between cushions of the couch and playing
-grabbing anything in his reach
-drinking water from a cup
-not wearing clothes
-laying on the changing table
-saying "booty" really fast.
Things he doesn't like at seven months
-ear infections
-long trips in the car
-going to bed when he's not tired
-putting on pants
-being cold after baths
-old women's faces
Things he likes at seven months.
-"dancing"
-his Bumbo seat
-wrestling with Dad
-balancing on Dad's hand
-Baby Einstein
-Sophie the giraffe
-sitting in between cushions of the couch and playing
-grabbing anything in his reach
-drinking water from a cup
-not wearing clothes
-laying on the changing table
-saying "booty" really fast.
Things he doesn't like at seven months
-ear infections
-long trips in the car
-going to bed when he's not tired
-putting on pants
-being cold after baths
-old women's faces
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Mother's Day Thoughts
So it’s my first “official” mother’s day. Last year I was sort of a mother, with a plum sized child, but this time... He’s about 17 lbs and very much a real member of our family.
People always say, “You don’t know what love really means until you have your own child. Then you realize that you love even more than you knew you were capable of.”
While I thought these were sweet mushy-gushy words, I never really believed that I would attest to that. I never thought I would be protective or have that “motherly instinct.”
Fin’s eardrum burst again this week. That wasn’t the worst part. The night preceding the eruption, Fin had been up all night in intense discomfort. Because he can’t talk yet, a guessing game begins. I’m not the best guesser at 3 in the morning.
We tried everything. We changed him, fed him, held him, sang to him, undressed him, and finally we decided he might be too congested to breathe. In the middle of the night, Will put the restless and emotionally frail child on the changing table and preceded to bulb his nose.
While Fin has always hated this…I have never heard him scream like he did. He was in pain and tired, and his cry was just one of intense discomfort. He was screaming because of the additional pain we were causing. While I knew this was what was best for him, it literally felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest.
I understand babies cry, and I’m the first one to tell you that crying babies are normal. I hate it when parents think their child must always be pleased and never unhappy. But at that 3am hour, I had to leave the room with tears in my eyes, because I couldn’t bear to see my child hurt like that.
You never know what it means to love until you have a child.
What’s interesting about my profession…is that I have 23 additional children. While I don’t share those 3am moments with them, I spend seven and a half hours with them. Some of the kids have no mom. Some have an absent mom. Some have an uneducated mom. And suddenly I find myself becoming a comforter, protector, educator, and encourager to 23 additional children who don’t share any DNA with me.
On this mother’s day, I’m overwhelmed with how blessed I am. I am so thankful for Fin and the joy he brings to me. I am so thankful for Will and the ways that he teaches me how to love. And I’m so thankful for the 23 other children who teach me even more about being a mom.
People always say, “You don’t know what love really means until you have your own child. Then you realize that you love even more than you knew you were capable of.”
While I thought these were sweet mushy-gushy words, I never really believed that I would attest to that. I never thought I would be protective or have that “motherly instinct.”
Fin’s eardrum burst again this week. That wasn’t the worst part. The night preceding the eruption, Fin had been up all night in intense discomfort. Because he can’t talk yet, a guessing game begins. I’m not the best guesser at 3 in the morning.
We tried everything. We changed him, fed him, held him, sang to him, undressed him, and finally we decided he might be too congested to breathe. In the middle of the night, Will put the restless and emotionally frail child on the changing table and preceded to bulb his nose.
While Fin has always hated this…I have never heard him scream like he did. He was in pain and tired, and his cry was just one of intense discomfort. He was screaming because of the additional pain we were causing. While I knew this was what was best for him, it literally felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest.
I understand babies cry, and I’m the first one to tell you that crying babies are normal. I hate it when parents think their child must always be pleased and never unhappy. But at that 3am hour, I had to leave the room with tears in my eyes, because I couldn’t bear to see my child hurt like that.
You never know what it means to love until you have a child.
What’s interesting about my profession…is that I have 23 additional children. While I don’t share those 3am moments with them, I spend seven and a half hours with them. Some of the kids have no mom. Some have an absent mom. Some have an uneducated mom. And suddenly I find myself becoming a comforter, protector, educator, and encourager to 23 additional children who don’t share any DNA with me.
On this mother’s day, I’m overwhelmed with how blessed I am. I am so thankful for Fin and the joy he brings to me. I am so thankful for Will and the ways that he teaches me how to love. And I’m so thankful for the 23 other children who teach me even more about being a mom.
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