Year 28

This week, I turn 29.  I am already taking a deep breath and gulp as I think that I’ll be 30 next year.  It’s fine.  REALLY. I just would rather not leave my 20’s.  It doesn’t really matter what I think at this point, does it?  So I thought I would think back on the year and what I learned in year 28 of my life.

I learned that taking a family vacation with two gay guys who live in New York is the best addition to a family vacation.  When there are other people around, families tend to tone down their crazy, whining, and grumpiness.  Also, these two always tell you how great you look in your new swimsuit, and they compliment you on all the things.  They make Sangria in a ziplock bag, and they are very focused on their sunscreen game.  They can talk about their families, and you learn that not everyone grew up with guilt and shame from the church.  One of them actually never grew up in the church at all.  Yet, he’s the happiest and most comfortable in his skin than the rest of us.  It’s refreshing.

I learned that you absolutely shouldn’t try to potty train a small human unless they are ready.  In school, I participated in a science fair, in which I looked at which stain remover best got out mustard and grape Kool-Aid stains on blue fabric.  Shout out to Carolyn Fitzsimons for spending hours on this.  I could enter a science fair right now with my experimentation with potty training methods and which work the quickest with the greatest success.

          Exhibit A: Fin Knowles

      

          Exhibit B: Granger Knowles

I tried to potty train Fin early, because I thought I should.  He was super verbal, and he was advanced in everything else, so I thought it was only appropriate at two and ½ years of age.  It took 10 months of accidents, frustration, and poop.  Lots of poop.  I offered to send him to my friends house for a stipend to potty train him.  I was kidding. I think.

I put Granger in underwear at 2 and ½ years of age. 
He wet himself 3 days straight. 
Month break.  
Underwear again.  
Peed all over everything.  
Month break.  
Underwear again.  

AND HE TOOK OFF AND NOW HE’S POTTY TRAINED AND I FEEL LIKE I WON A MILLION DOLLARS!!! Just like that, no accidents.  
As my dad said, ”God knew you needed a win.”

I learned that marriage is hard.  This is a lesson that I will continue to learn the rest of my life.  Depression and anxiety is also a real thing.  Anxiety can look different in different people.  Sometimes when your spouse can’t function for awhile, you have to take up the torch and pray one day he will be able to help again.  You have to trust God that good things are in store even as the days, weeks, and months tell you otherwise.  You have to trust that you married a man with a good heart, a strong work ethic, and the desire to love with all he has.  Then, as always, God shows up in a way of medicine, counseling, a small group on Monday nights, and Beatbox. 

Then He reminds you…

“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
    When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
    it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
    The Holy of Israel, your Savior.”

And things get better.  Some years will be harder than others.  Some will be full of happiness, laughter, and joy.  And some years, you just keep going.  You keep going to work, keep reading, keep reaching out for others, and keep your head up for fear of what would happen if you didn’t.  But you know there is a God who will deliver you out.  It’s not always quick and easy, but He always delivers.

I learned that paying extra for the boys to go to a good school with incredible teachers is worth the money...  Even if it does mean Will and I could go on a cruise each month for what we pay.

I learned that different people experience different chaos.  In counseling, we learned that I experience auditory chaos.  Screaming, crying, toys crashing, and all other awful noises send me into high alert and all the bells and whistles go off in my head.  Will experiences visual chaos, which means that a dirty kitchen and trashed living room causes his sirens to begin blaring in his head.  Which is unfortunate, since I’m not great at cleaning with the two Cat-in-the-Hats that live with me.  We haven’t reached anything groundbreaking here.  But it’s just good to know.  Also, the way to win Will over is a well-designed, clean, and simple graphic. If there’s visual chaos in your logo, he’s written you off. Sorry.

I learned what a joy it is to watch your friends have babies.  I also realized something deep in myself, which is that it also makes me sad.  It makes me sad that my babies were born before other people's, and that I didn't get to be pregnant and nursing with everyone else.  I felt alone as a mom for a good while, and I'm realizing how lonely I felt.  I'm not ready to write more yet, so that'll be fine for now.

I’m sure there were many more lessons, but it’s 8:50pm, so it’s getting late on this Saturday night.  That’s another thing.  Going to bed early is the best and makes me happier in the mornings.  Here we go 29!