Year 28

This week, I turn 29.  I am already taking a deep breath and gulp as I think that I’ll be 30 next year.  It’s fine.  REALLY. I just would rather not leave my 20’s.  It doesn’t really matter what I think at this point, does it?  So I thought I would think back on the year and what I learned in year 28 of my life.

I learned that taking a family vacation with two gay guys who live in New York is the best addition to a family vacation.  When there are other people around, families tend to tone down their crazy, whining, and grumpiness.  Also, these two always tell you how great you look in your new swimsuit, and they compliment you on all the things.  They make Sangria in a ziplock bag, and they are very focused on their sunscreen game.  They can talk about their families, and you learn that not everyone grew up with guilt and shame from the church.  One of them actually never grew up in the church at all.  Yet, he’s the happiest and most comfortable in his skin than the rest of us.  It’s refreshing.

I learned that you absolutely shouldn’t try to potty train a small human unless they are ready.  In school, I participated in a science fair, in which I looked at which stain remover best got out mustard and grape Kool-Aid stains on blue fabric.  Shout out to Carolyn Fitzsimons for spending hours on this.  I could enter a science fair right now with my experimentation with potty training methods and which work the quickest with the greatest success.

          Exhibit A: Fin Knowles

      

          Exhibit B: Granger Knowles

I tried to potty train Fin early, because I thought I should.  He was super verbal, and he was advanced in everything else, so I thought it was only appropriate at two and ½ years of age.  It took 10 months of accidents, frustration, and poop.  Lots of poop.  I offered to send him to my friends house for a stipend to potty train him.  I was kidding. I think.

I put Granger in underwear at 2 and ½ years of age. 
He wet himself 3 days straight. 
Month break.  
Underwear again.  
Peed all over everything.  
Month break.  
Underwear again.  

AND HE TOOK OFF AND NOW HE’S POTTY TRAINED AND I FEEL LIKE I WON A MILLION DOLLARS!!! Just like that, no accidents.  
As my dad said, ”God knew you needed a win.”

I learned that marriage is hard.  This is a lesson that I will continue to learn the rest of my life.  Depression and anxiety is also a real thing.  Anxiety can look different in different people.  Sometimes when your spouse can’t function for awhile, you have to take up the torch and pray one day he will be able to help again.  You have to trust God that good things are in store even as the days, weeks, and months tell you otherwise.  You have to trust that you married a man with a good heart, a strong work ethic, and the desire to love with all he has.  Then, as always, God shows up in a way of medicine, counseling, a small group on Monday nights, and Beatbox. 

Then He reminds you…

“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
    When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
    it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
    The Holy of Israel, your Savior.”

And things get better.  Some years will be harder than others.  Some will be full of happiness, laughter, and joy.  And some years, you just keep going.  You keep going to work, keep reading, keep reaching out for others, and keep your head up for fear of what would happen if you didn’t.  But you know there is a God who will deliver you out.  It’s not always quick and easy, but He always delivers.

I learned that paying extra for the boys to go to a good school with incredible teachers is worth the money...  Even if it does mean Will and I could go on a cruise each month for what we pay.

I learned that different people experience different chaos.  In counseling, we learned that I experience auditory chaos.  Screaming, crying, toys crashing, and all other awful noises send me into high alert and all the bells and whistles go off in my head.  Will experiences visual chaos, which means that a dirty kitchen and trashed living room causes his sirens to begin blaring in his head.  Which is unfortunate, since I’m not great at cleaning with the two Cat-in-the-Hats that live with me.  We haven’t reached anything groundbreaking here.  But it’s just good to know.  Also, the way to win Will over is a well-designed, clean, and simple graphic. If there’s visual chaos in your logo, he’s written you off. Sorry.

I learned what a joy it is to watch your friends have babies.  I also realized something deep in myself, which is that it also makes me sad.  It makes me sad that my babies were born before other people's, and that I didn't get to be pregnant and nursing with everyone else.  I felt alone as a mom for a good while, and I'm realizing how lonely I felt.  I'm not ready to write more yet, so that'll be fine for now.

I’m sure there were many more lessons, but it’s 8:50pm, so it’s getting late on this Saturday night.  That’s another thing.  Going to bed early is the best and makes me happier in the mornings.  Here we go 29!

Thank you BeatboxFIT

If you know me well, then you know I love my husband, my kids, the beach, my book club, and Sweedish fish.  If you know me super well, then you know I’ve been going to BeatboxFIT for a while, and I talk about it all the time.  And if we’re really close, then I’ve dragged you along to a class, and we’ve died together.

I have always been the tall girl with long legs.  Being a size 6-8 was easy for me.  And, then I had a baby.  Your body changes and stretches and then tries to ooze back together in some sort of form.  It can be a disaster, and it can make you feel like a blob of skin, fat, and leftover baby flab.  I met Ellen and what would become BeatboxFIT when Granger was a few months old.  I had to do something to regain myself back

Why would anyone choose burpees, squats, jumps, push-ups three times a week.  Why would anyone pay to pee her pants on a regular basis in front of other women in Spandex?  That’s a great question.  Here’s why.

BeatboxFIT started as a dream of a girl who believed that fitness could bring people together.  Ellen is a fun, spunky, and incredibly strong woman who encourages others while she makes them jump, burpee, jump, burpee.  She is passionate about what she does.  She has trusted God to provide the place, money, and people.  Her family has made sacrifices for people’s health in Nashville, including mine.  Ellen has created a space that is safe for people to modify, drip sweat, and wear non-name brand work out clothes that cost more than her class packages.  Ellen is powerful and a consistent friend who’s real about life, working out, and post-baby bodies.  She's created a team of people who believe what she believes, and they are all incredible.  Shoutout to all the instructors who give of themselves to change Nashville's health.

BeatboxFIT has created a community of Moms that I’ve yet to find anywhere else.  Our kids play together during class, and the moms complain about bedtimes, sickness, potty training, and school drop off.  We sweat together and somehow feel closer as if we were going through some sort of initiation together.  This class is the only place in Nashville where we aren’t competing.  We encourage each other to work hard and play even harder.  Our ages and sizes are all different, but we don’t even notice.  Some of Fin and Granger’s best friends are from BeatboxFIT, and they beg to go.  Ellen has worked to make BeatboxFIT affordable, so for $1.50 a kid, I’ll take it.  It’s also a much needed mommy break from whining, fighting, and hide n seek.  In our house, if you make sad choices and can’t go to BeatboxFIT, you can expect the biggest tantrum, which will include kicking and screaming.  Being a mom can feel isolating when you don’t have other moms that understand.  These moms get it, and we care about one another through top 20 songs that make us stronger for those little ones.

BeatboxFit is a spiritual place.  At the end of each class, we pray.  I’ve realized how thankful I am for a body that moves, and that I’m able to move my muscles and bones in ways I didn’t know I could.  I have come to see my body in a whole new way.  As women, it’s no secret that we struggle with comparison, self-hatred, and unhappiness over our bodies.  This is the biggest way BeatboxFIT has affected my life.  I am stronger and in better shape than I’ve ever been.  Even better shape than before I carried those babies.  I can do things that I didn’t know were possible for me.  But I pushed and pushed and didn’t give up and kept coming.  Yes, I modify every song, but it’s my own workout, and I am proud of what I can do.  It’s a habit, not a quick fix, and my body is changing.  All of a sudden, a number on a scale isn’t important. 

There are things we yell every class:

1.     Are you here to get skinny?  No, we’re here to get healthy.

2.     Are you here to get comfortable?  No

3.     We don’t care about your age or body type

I didn’t know this was possible, but after years of hearing that 3x a week, I have come to believe that it really isn’t about being a size 2.  I still see imperfections, and I still have moments of insecurity.  But I see my body as strong, and I am proud of what I have accomplished.  Yes, I’ve lost 38 pounds, but I am more proud of the hard work I’ve done to get there.  I have more energy for my kids. I am more confident as a woman, and I want my sons to see a woman who talks about her body as a gift from God, not about how much weight she need to lose.  This class and community have made me more grateful and more happy and proud to be who I am.

This New Years, I don’t have any resolutions, because I’ve lived it the past 2 years.  So, I just have to keep doing what I’m doing.  Keep putting on those TJ Maxx workout pants and Old Navy tanks and show up to get my heart rate up, to make myself stronger, and continue to create my healthiest self.

If you want to try it out, let me know.  Packages are 25% off right now, so you know I’m stocking up!

 Happy 2016 everyone!