And now I'm going to be a mom. And I again find myself wishing I would be better than I am now. I wish I wouldn't be as negative. or scared. or nervous. or selfish.
I look forward to having a kid and no longer be concerned with just Will and me.
I don't know what scares me. But I wish it would leave, because it is truly terrifying. I haven't journaled or prayed about it. Because sometimes when you do that...even crazier things happen. And my fear paralyzes me from doing the very things I need. But I finally have realized I can't do it by myself. Will can't do it by himself. And we're going to need something bigger than both of us together to do this.
I guess that's where friends come in. and family. and small group. and Blakemore. and old friends from home. and the words..."me too."
I guess that's where community comes in and surrounds us. And that's when we see the hand of God in our little two bedroom apartment.
And it probably won't matter if we do everything right. If we always know where the pacifier is or if the room is painted with an exquisite Noah's Ark theme. It probably won't matter if our baby always matches or is always silent in quiet places like church or Olive Garden.
We'll just love fiercely and hope that's enough.
